I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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