She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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