Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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