I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
