I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
