A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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