We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
