the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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