i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
