Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
