i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
