D3 body, D1 cock
I wish my penis had an off switch
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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