Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
