Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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