she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
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I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
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Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
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