I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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