If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We named our party play list daddy issues
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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