dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
