You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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