i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
