I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
