She's JV to your varsity
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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