i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
