I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
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