i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize