i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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