WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
