omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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