Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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