Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
