Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
