you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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