so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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