he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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