it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
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Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
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I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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