Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
