sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I have aggressive nipples.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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