if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
