Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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