one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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