My Higher Power is John Stamos
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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