How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
