she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm at about main and main street
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
