that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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