about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
