or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
