everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
