I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize