I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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