i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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