Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
