I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize