It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
