Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
