Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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