True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
