So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
