Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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