i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
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I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
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Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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