her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
