once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
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I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
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I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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