return my video game
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
