too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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