I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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