Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
