Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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