So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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