i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
