Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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