I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
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im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
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my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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